What the heck! This thing called Love?

Love Hurts

Here’s a thought:

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly, it flips over, pinning you underneath.  At night, the ice weasels come.

Could that picture in your mind’s eye be any less appealing?  Could there be any worse a thought, than lying trapped in wait for the arrival of “the ice weasels“?  I don’t think so, unless it were the gaping jaws of hell with it’s mouth wide open for you.  That could be worse!  I hope you get the point.  Life is hard, but love … love can be harder still.

Have you ever noticed, there are a million, possibly a zillion songs written on the subject of love?  No question about it, more prose, music, blood, sweat and tears have been given to the cause of love than any other.  All things point to it.  We can be consumed by it.  Wars have been fought over it, dynasties have fallen while murder and all manner of self-destruction have been committed in the name of  L – O – V – E.

From my point of view and no doubt for most of you as well, there’s no better feeling than being in love.  I’m addicted to it’s taste, drawn to it’s powerful attractions.  Nothing touches me deeper, nor penetrates my soul — my deepest inner-self — than does love.  I want so much to be loved and to give it.  I’m very selfish when it comes to it.  I want it all.  I am painfully in love with love.  Shakespeare once wrote: we are consumed by that which we are nourished by.  But love is so darn risky and fraught with pain and disappointment.

I Love LoveAs a youngster I found little success in my pursuit of puppy love, but boy have I make up for it since!  If you knew me you’d think I was on a marrython, an effort to break all records.  I may be close to some, and I’m sure I’m the subject of gossip, and some ridicule because of it.  It’s something I’m not proud of.  To me there’s a reason marriage is called “an institution.”  It drives me crazy!

Falling in it — and then failing at it — has got to be one of the cruelest and most painful experiences anyone can go through.   I use the term “go through” loosely, because it implies there is actually an end to it.  You go through it and then … you’re out!  Bright light, sunshine!  In my experience, there is no end, there is no finish, you are never out! Once love grabs hold of you it’s like a black hole, it won’t let go, there is no escape, doom and gloom, straight ahead!.  Through the births of my children, through mistakes, heartbreak and misfortune I have failed miserably at this thing I value and know to be so important.  Call me a man of constant sorrow.  Call me a failure.

Dagger in the HeartIt wouldn’t be so bad if people fell in love with one another, but that’s not how it always works out.   Often it’s the case that one person (person #1) falls in love with another.  The other person (person #2) goes along — just because it feels so darn good to be loved — not to mention telling your friends all about it.  Unfortunately though, as it usually turns out, person #2 (that’s the one you’ll recall not in love) tires of the charade and falls out of love, leaving person #1 feeling empty, dejected and alone.  Often #2 will tell #1, “Hey, we can always be friends.”  Baloney!   Puhleese!!  Friendship can often grow into love, but love can never degenerate into friendship.  Then the sad cycle repeats itself all-over-again.

Some … think of happiness, blissfulness, togetherness
Some … fool themselves, I guess
They’re not foolin’ me
I know it isn’t true …
Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts*

The really lucky ones, and I’ve known a few, who find the ”one” person that falls in love with them, and visa versa — and then hang in there for better or worse — have my sincere admiration and congratulations.  Elderly CoupleLucky them!  As everyone knows, that’s quite an accomplishment.  Statistically half of all  first marriages end in divorce.  Failure rates for subsequent marriages are significantly worse.  For those of us who have experienced the bittersweet taste of defeat, we’re just … well, by ourselves.

To all the girls who shared my life
Who now are living another life
I’m glad they came along
I dedicate this blog

Somehow I doubt they feel the same.

As always, thanks for stopping by!  Your thoughts?  Leave your comments below …

See my friend Bud’s post for sage advice on marriage and those “hoping to make a life of it”.  After more than 40 years of wedded bliss, his thoughts are well worth a read.

*Words from Love Hurts – Nazareth – 1976

12 thoughts on “What the heck! This thing called Love?

  1. Well my first marriage failed but only after seventeen years. Problem was we got married “in heat”. I was in the Marines and did twenty years. Marines do not get to take their wives and famlies most places they go. I was never home for more than three months at a time and gone for that long if not longer many times. It was always goodby or welcome home heat. When I retired from the Marines, and was home all of the time, we found we really didn’t like each other much.

    I learned a lesson. Love is not enough. You have to actually like each other. As my current wife of over twenty years says, “eventually you are down to taking the garbage out”. At that point a lot of heat has worn off and the two of you had better be friends. Ann and I became friends and remain so. I’m 70 now and she is 65. There is much comfortable warmth between us and taking the garbage out is not a problem.

    I’ll be with her til one of us dies.

    1. Thanks for sharing your experience Lee. And thanks especially for your service as a United States Marine. You”re among the best of the best our nation has to offer. Guys like you have paid a heavy price in their service to our country — beyond the obvious things.

      I think you and Ann will be together even after death. That however is another blog and may broach the subject of religion which I’m hoping to avoid. It could fall under the category of “Perspectives” here on this blog and is certainly something I’d share among my friends.

      I’m so glad we’ve come to know one another and look forward to meeting you hopefully in the near-future.

  2. Hi Rick,

    I think you haven’t found “the right one” yet. I am one of your ex’s and I wish you the best.
    Also I have proved to you in many ways my friendship. So yes it is possible to become friends.

  3. My theory on the healing process -particularly in a relationship that has gone south or sour or whatever term you wish to use -is that it is always considerably easier for the “leaver” to heal and move on that it is for the “Leavee.” I was the “leavee” in all but one break-up in my life and boy, it was way easier for me to cope and contend with that than all the others put together!

    My last relationship -which began in January of 1998 and ended the following October -was one that I have told myself time and time again the old adage of “Tis better to have loved and lost than never loved at all” and though it does still give me a bit of the pangs of pain and some agitation too every now and again, as I continually wonder exactly what it was that went wrong, caused it to go down the tubes with such a rapid descent that it would make your head spin, I do now, for the most part, agree with that theory about loving and losing or not at all.

    I can in all honesty today say that my ex-husband and I are now finally about to be friends -well sort of anyway. Of course, since he lives in Nevada and I’m here in central PA, I think it does make our being friendly much, much easier! LOL

    This was a terrific post though Rick -very open and also, an eye opener for anyone reading it too about their own relationships and their status -good, bad or indifferent!

    1. No question Jeni … the “Dumper” almost always has it better than the “Dumpee”.

      I hope your friendship with your ex works to both your advantage. The long distance certainly helps a lot.

      As always thanks for your thoughtful comments and praise.

  4. I was married for 17 years to my high school love. But, I was also the one who filed for divorce. Not because I had stopped loving him, but because I was tired of being alone in love, and alone in my marriage. I had to choose between being married and alone, or being divorced and alone. The later made more sense to me. That was 10 years ago, and I am still not re-married, but hopeful, becaue I too am crazy in love with LOVE.

    I feel that your classification of divorce as “failure” is a bit extreme. If love is the true foundation for marriage, and love does NOT fail, then divorce is not failure. Love is a living force, that just like marriage must be nurtured, fed, and pruned regularly or it will die. When we choose to end a marriage, it’s because one or the other of the two have stopped nurturing, feeding or pruning. No one person can tend to a marriage alone.

    1. Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment and for sharing your thoughts. Thanks especially for subscribing.

      My reference to “failure” was in regards to my marriages, and not “love” per se, if I understood you correctly.

      In marriage there are success stories. Unfortunately in my multiple attempts I’ve failed to realize that success. It is in this context that I wrote. I suppose that even in marriage one can still fail despite the label.

      True it is … love does not fail. It is us who fail love. It is just as true, as you said, no one person can tend to a marriage alone.

    1. Jen,

      Thanks for visitng and for the words of advice. Unfortunately when the earth moves and the angels weep I have no choice!

      I don’t consider myself single. I’m just romantically impaired!

      Welcome to my Dark World! I hope you’ll come back.

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